Was (is) it real?
Image accessed from 1 December 2020.
How do you tell if something is real? How do you know if your version of events is really accurate? What if that comes into conflict with what someone else sees or thinks? How do you tell if what you think is what鈥檚 really going on? How do you know?
Human beings are a mess. A collection of emotions that we try to label, and memories we pretend aren鈥檛 distorted by those feelings that we don鈥檛 even understand. For me, I鈥檓 trying to disentangle all of this and ask myself these questions in my life: What is really going on? What do I really want? What do I really feel?
Sometimes I think we, as people, say that we believe things and feel things just because it鈥檚 the path of least resistance in that moment. Sometimes that applies more broadly. Maybe we become habituated to acting in a certain way, and that鈥檚 all our lives really become. We just get used to things, and keep on doing them. Relationships, career, hobbies, it鈥檚 just what was the easiest thing to do at the time and we got stuck in it. We don鈥檛 do what鈥檚 difficult.
Or maybe we get caught up in the stories we tell ourselves. We grab some pre-packaged narrative off the shelf and tell ourselves that鈥檚 who we are. It鈥檚 nice to believe that there鈥檚 some point to our lives, and that鈥檚 what these stories provide. Labels like 鈥淒ad鈥 or 鈥渇ire-fighter鈥 or 鈥渓oyal鈥 become something we repeat to ourselves over and over again. It becomes so fundamental to the narrative in our head that even though our identity was something we had almost no hand in, we have to live up to the story because it鈥檚 all we have.
Maybe though. Maybe some things are real. Maybe it鈥檚 not just because we get used to it. Maybe it鈥檚 not just because it鈥檚 easy. Maybe it鈥檚 not just a story we want to believe in. Maybe some things are true and will continue to be true in spite of all those other pressures on our lives.
I鈥檝e been saying 鈥渕aybe鈥 a lot lately. I guess it鈥檚 because I鈥檓 going through a fairly significant process of reflection and uncertainty. I don鈥檛 have the answers to my questions yet, they are only going to be revealed with time.
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