Public speaking nerves
This week, as part of my first PhD milestone (the CCSP or the Core Component of the Structed Program), I was required to present my research proposal to a ‘postgraduate seminar’, attended by many of the academics in the faculty, as well as fellow PhD students.
Despite having already submitted my research proposal in written form, and having had it approved by my supervisor, I was very nervous.
I have always been very nervous about public speaking. This is obviously a common fear, often listed as on the most common phobias across populations. I was thinking the other day, trying to pin point what it is exactly about it that spikes my anxiety.
I think it is ultimately the vulnerability. I get anxious knowing that while I am occupied (mentally – and physically) speaking, those in the audience are forming judgements about what I am saying and about me (not necessarily negative of course), but judgements nonetheless that I am powerless to affect in that moment.
Upon thinking this, I came to the realisation that I guess I need to work on sitting with that discomfort – the discomfort of knowing people are forming judgements in that moment. I was helped in this instance by the fact that the very purpose of the presentation was to get constructive feedback and commentary from experts in the faculty – meaning that I was forced to come to terms with the fact they were forming judgements because that was exactly the purpose!
Of course, the fact that the attendees were primarily those who I admire and who I aspire to emulate made my nervousness even more extreme. I had no answer to that, other than to reach out to fellow students who had presented recently or had presentations coming up, to forge something of a sense of comradery in shared experience.
Ultimately, the presentation went well (as I, deep-down, knew it would), and the feedback was robust but very constructive. I guess that proves that the very best way to overcome this fear, or really any fear, is to confront it by taking it head on, over and over again.
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